Rebuild/Repair

11:48 PM Michael Etienne Edwards 0 Comments


I do believe I was ready to go home this time. 

I am not entirely positive I've felt that way about the past returns. But this time I felt like it. It's always a strange thing coming back. It feels as though nothing has changed but the trees are much taller, and the photos stored on the computer are much updated, and a funeral pamphlet is on the dining room counter. I don't know what it is that makes it feel like you are the same age as when you left and simultaneously beaten with at-least 8 extra years. I don't know what it is. I've decided to take a quarter away from Savannah this time around. It took a lot of thinking of course. -Well, no, not so much. It was really very clear to the interior me that it was important for me to stop. -To repair. I suppose the original plan was a silly one any way. I would take 3 classes every quarter including summers since fall 09, I would apply to new york internships in between where I would hopefully spend thanksgiving, Christmas, new years, and summer, and returning to savannah, all without going home. It seemed realistic. I can't believe it seemed realistic. I had myself programmed. So when I couldn't seem to remain on top of my school work and started becoming extremely forgetful and so, so behind in everything I almost freaked, no I did, and dropped my Art History class, and almost dropped the other two in fear that I might end up failing both of them. I had picked up a new habit to clench my teeth so hard I would develop a headache and draft in class what I knew had to have been a fever. It was so bad. And I had never been so scared of the possibility of my grades. Never in a predicament like that ever before. So I am here, and I made it out. It's almost like it was just a bad dream and now i am awake. Something like that. But in the positive side of the story. I'm here now. floating. I am hoping I have made the correct choice. My true responsibilities always become so clear to me when I am home: to take care of my parents, to be able to take care of myself, and to work my behind off to become a better designer. I can sleep now. Well, I think the ability to has allowed me to go off edge haha. All I've done today is sleep and I am so ready to go to bed now hahah. But I am happy to be back. I should reconnect with the world. When I am in school time goes by so quickly and I am only involved with my projects the possibility of not doing well becomes heartbreaking because that is all I was engaged in. Alright, it's time for me to calm down hah.
Most of all, I've taken a pause because I want to sincerely love fashion again. Haha it's a hard thing mixing business and love, but I am very sure it is possible. 
Home is home is home. And if I know home at all, it could certainly be 2 months later, but that does not mean your meal of cake and apple cider has expired. haha. I hope you guys are doing well and have a truly wonderful quarter! Best wishes and *fighting*!